i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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