The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
