I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
