So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
