come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
