Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
