I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
