I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
