her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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