Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
