It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
