nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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