why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
