My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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