cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
