i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
