Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You pole danced in your parka.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
