fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize