Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
