We're like a lot better than the average bears
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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