So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
