At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
