who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
