shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
