one might say we're banned from that church
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
