i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
