All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
