She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
