just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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