mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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