before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
