its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
