i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
