Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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