lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
