I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
