dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My pussy is not your playground.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to calm my uterus...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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