This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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