Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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