whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
