Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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