And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
