I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
