You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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