Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
