I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
