i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
