I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
