Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
