I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
