i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he thought i was a dude.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
