you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
