A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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