Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
