I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It was confusing and full of hummus
My pussy is not your playground.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Randomize
