I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
