I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
