I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
