she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
