after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
