oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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