hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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