Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
