i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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