worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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