Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
