Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
