last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
