i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
