its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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