If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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