The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
