I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
