That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
