i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
