wrigley field is MILF paradise
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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