I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are my feet made of real feet?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
