WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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