I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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