My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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