I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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