I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
