You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
