So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
