can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
