the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
